Saturday, February 25, 2006

Fade to Ugly

My dad says "beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone.' It' s not an original "Dad" I'm sure, be we all laugh when he says it. Lately I have been running an audio loop in my brain and the words are this "My beauty has faded. My beauty has faded. My beauty has faded." When I was younger I was what most people would put into the category of "pretty". I had mirrors in the house and I would agree. I would sometimes look at my face in the mirror and be thankful. My face has been a loyal dependable friend to me for many years past. My face often made things easy. (Okay, the nice rack was just the frosting on the cake.) Now, I look at the mirror and think "YIKES" who is that scowling, jowly, splotchy-faced thang looking back at me? I look in the mirror and I see a meaty face. Double chin. I have a permanent scowl on my forehead due to the unfortunate marriage of a wrinkle and a scar from 1959. My lips are pointing down in a frown to my pendulous breasts and apron of a belly as if to say..."Hey, look what's happening down there, it's hysterical. Finally, she's getting what she deserves!" Hahaha on me! Ethel, I know what you're thinking, it's what's on the inside that counts. But you know what? I gotta lot of ugly on the inside too. The other day I laughed a a blind man (I won't even try to defend that because it is indefensible...although I do have a reason) and my 13 year old had to scold me. And he was right and I loved him even more for it. I know a few people now who might find me funny and that's important to me but I'm having a hard time adjusting to my face. Although sometimes when the lighting, and my mood, are just right, I catch a glimpse of my old pretty self in my eyes. I like it when that happens.


Blogger Me said...

I have known you 20 years(!) and you are as beautiful today as you were the day I met you.

12:32 PM  
Blogger Griz said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:21 AM  
Blogger Griz said...

What you see "when the lighting, and my mood, are just right", I see every time I see you walk into a room...every time I wake up and see you sleeping in the night...when you step out of the shower...when you're driving down the street...when you've got grass...always.

Plus, when I see you laughing or even just smiling, I think of that day when I was caught on camera (sort of) staring at you and thinking what a lucky son of a bitch I was...and am...the day we got married.

You are my love and my life...I'm sorry I ever did anything to jeopardize that.

11:25 AM  

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