Fade to Ugly

My dad says "beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone.' It' s not an original "Dad" I'm sure, be we all laugh when he says it. Lately I have been running an audio loop in my brain and the words are this "My beauty has faded. My beauty has faded. My beauty has faded." When I was younger I was what most people would put into the category of "pretty". I had mirrors in the house and I would agree. I would sometimes look at my face in the mirror and be thankful. My face has been a loyal dependable friend to me for many years past. My face often made things easy. (Okay, the nice rack was just the frosting on the cake.) Now, I look at the mirror and think "YIKES" who is that scowling, jowly, splotchy-faced thang looking back at me? I look in the mirror and I see a meaty face. Double chin. I have a permanent scowl on my forehead due to the unfortunate marriage of a wrinkle and a scar from 1959. My lips are pointing down in a frown to my pendulous breasts and apron of a belly as if to say..."Hey, look what's happening down there, it's hysterical. Finally, she's getting what she deserves!" Hahaha on me! Ethel, I know what you're thinking, it's what's on the inside that counts. But you know what? I gotta lot of ugly on the inside too. The other day I laughed a a blind man (I won't even try to defend that because it is indefensible...although I do have a reason) and my 13 year old had to scold me. And he was right and I loved him even more for it. I know a few people now who might find me funny and that's important to me but I'm having a hard time adjusting to my face. Although sometimes when the lighting, and my mood, are just right, I catch a glimpse of my old pretty self in my eyes. I like it when that happens.